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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Symone, 030793Cheryl's blog here. Kind off talky with loads of words. Some make sense some don't. Like this blog, come back and read more, don't like, please don't spam my tag board. Just a school girl going through her school life. Nothing much nothing less. Likes to eat but kind of aware not to eat too much. Thats about it. I felt that night, on the stage, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live. What exactly made it worth it? What’s so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming? What’s so great about feeling and dreaming? (By the person who did this skin) — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Taggings
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Wednesday, June 22, 2011
If you are seeing this, don't know if you still read about these.. What if, I say I want to hold you back now? After almost a year, its really hard to forget everything. Anyways, I'm just another little girl you should have just seen as a younger sister ain't? Enjoy your fun time with your future beloved one. Love her even more, and let her love you back more too. You deserve it very much. Don't care about anymore labels, what has passed had pass. It doesn't matter anymore, that was the pass you and you have changed so much. Don't think too much about it cause it doesn't matter anything at all. One last thing, I love you, dear. Buhbye, remain as friends if you want^^ Sunday, June 19, 2011
Long long post This is gonna be real long... Started from erm... Last last thursday night. Was night audi-ing with ben and ~Yesterday. Audi-ed until like, 4-5 am in the morning... Used lapp to 5 plus... About 7am somthing got out of house to go to HQ for PGQ camper briefing.. After camp briefing, Got to Novena, somehow, quite typical and as usual of me.. Got there, another tiff with mother, about petty stuff again. Since last year till this year, she's been telling me she'll buy me a new sports shoes and still not there yet.. And about heels, she expect me to wear her aunties style kind of it like that Cheena bitch. Went home with a stomach full of anger vented it out on Ben. Well, as the it goes, when you do not get enough sleep, your temper will be real bad right, thats how it went along. Friday, polish boots, badge... etc... by the time I'm done, its already 12 plus. Good night and next day it was NDP training. Last training in Nee Soon Camp. Then Monday came and went. Tuesday was Southern Ridge trekking, White bear and YQ keep think they very zai, chiong all the way. See us keep run. Slack in Henderson Wave a while, rest there so nice <3 Wednesday went to camp.. First day pitch that heavy tent. The pegs need mallet in, those useless Sec 1s can't even mallet it in properly. BB also keep pampering.. I BWG. After that wide game etc.. day end. Sleep halfway, PGA camp staff came in saying its gonna rain. Grabbed my sleeping bag go lodge with my patrol. Slept nicely there as it was hard ground instead of uneven ground. Second day, outdoor cooking. Those sec 1s acted like spoilt brats... -.- _|_ Zai lorh... Make the salad already then they all only eat things they like and its very very little. Left a whole full plate of it for me to finish. Parents never teach them well. FML BB only come help me eat it finish only when I'm reaching the end of it. I was already not feeling well when I got into the camp, headache throughout.. Expect me to stomach in all those vegtables.. For show only is it? -.- That blur de sec 1 at least got some compassion. The other 2 only know how to suck up on the PGA test taking guides (camp staff) FML aint? First night also very zai lorh, during COH they were supposed to create a performance for the campfire. They make the most and loudest noise while we were discussing about the day and upcoming events. They have guts to tell me they still don't know what to do. _l_ Morning, the camp staff keep hogging me whether my patrol ready for it a not? That BB can't even do things properly.. Then still need rush her, we came under huge amount of stress to think what to do. Then those freaking sec 1s still can fool around. FML. Camp fire, been given strong orders not to get high or bounce about, did not even jump at all in the entire camp. Record breaking. Last day, strike tent. BB can't get things right, still need YA come help. Already told her which pole belongs to which she keep insisting on things. Things turned out my way and I was real.. pfft! Won the most enthusiastic patrol, expected. Break camp, slept nicely in aircon bus. Going back home, bought mac to bring home and eat. Got home, nobody's home. I even told mummy, I won't bring my KEY! Fuck phone no batt. Need go borrow phone. Bro still fucking take own sweet time home. Still dare to laugh at me _l_ Audi-ed until 12 plus with ben no rest. Yesterday NDP rehearsal again. Go F1 pit building, totally all aircon-ed Very cold. Super shiok. Last rehearsal, all super high. End of story. Monday, June 6, 2011
Despair Giving up... What ever I ever ever do is ever ever useless. What is the exact point of hiding the real me? And I can tell for sure that my friends, even my clique don't know who am I. If I were to suddenly stop acting who I am, and just be myself, what will they react? They'll just, whats wrong with her? So GL for what? Gotta admit that I'm quite a good actor, act until so well, I totally hid myself and shunned it out of this fucked up world. Who and what the fuck am I exactly?? A girl who is always reliant on her friend? A girl who keeps quiet and shunned the fucking fucked up world away? A noisy and crazy girl? How many roles have I played? Uncountable... Maybe I should just give up on acting and just be as what I am now. Since my belief is to see everyone smile, its quite useless when you yourself can't give out a proper sincere smile... I can't seem to smile as my heart tells me to anymore. It all seem so forcefully.. All these strains.. Friends, cliques, family, guys, classmate and school. All these, I want to throw the fucking off away. Dump it straight into the rubbish chute and forget about it. At least once that is gone, I can smile properly once again. Since I can't seem to throw that away, I should throw myself eh? I kind of threw it already... I'm already in deep despair and given up hopes. No point clinging on, STOP IT ALREADY! Everything should come to a halt soon. Real fast. |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |
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