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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Symone, 030793Cheryl's blog here. Kind off talky with loads of words. Some make sense some don't. Like this blog, come back and read more, don't like, please don't spam my tag board. Just a school girl going through her school life. Nothing much nothing less. Likes to eat but kind of aware not to eat too much. Thats about it. I felt that night, on the stage, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live. What exactly made it worth it? What’s so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming? What’s so great about feeling and dreaming? (By the person who did this skin) — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Taggings
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Monday, August 29, 2011
Let it go 我哭了，我哭到没有眼泪了。 我不想听了，我听匿了。 我不想知道了，我知道的太多了。 我不想在想了，我想到要死了。 应为我太爱了，所以我不想再爱下去了。 我很厌倦这份感情，我不想再继续爱着，哭着，知道，想着。 可以忘了他吗？ 我忘不了，别怪我。 都是应为你让我太喜欢你。 我不想用爱，我恨死爱。 别再让我想下去。 让我忘了吧。 一了百了。 如我所愿，祝福你们两个。 长长久久，恩恩爱爱，永不分离。 再也不要换了，你们是绝配。 要互相让对方，互相体谅。 以后要是有成果，要值得请我去你婚礼！ 祝福你们，永远相爱。 Saturday, August 27, 2011
Emotions breakdowns.... Saw some random photo while blog hopping, Stop by some blogs that was of my friends and well, The photos there are really very very nice. Nice that I seriously am very touched. Yup yup, there's been a lot of emotional struggles recently. Firstly, its friends, Next is special feelings towards another. And next is Family. 3 main big problem to me. Hit on friends first. It also seem so close yet so far. My classmates are really very weird and is a very weird group of people which is kind of the first time in my life to see this. Sometime they are reasonable, Other times, they are so unreasonable. You are of use to them or you stir their interest, they are your best friend. Interest lost, can't be bothered to bother you at all. I really, I'm serious, have a very special power of attract and repelling people quite well. Firstly, its always this cycle and never ending. The clique is breaking up. Seem so to me. *laughs* Always wanted to tell ZhenZhen some things, She's either always busy, or with her other friends. Yup, our best friend image seems image only now. No one listens, its all so quiet. No one speaks, it all so quiet too. Second, Special feelings. It always occurs so that I see a guy that I can see and deem to be quite nice, I just hit it off with that guy. Thankfully, I told myself not to stead anyone this year. Or trouble would rise up and down before I know it. Wanted to see if there is a person that can really stop me from me being so hitting it off, Well, no. Recently there's this ncc cadet hitting it off quite well. But over time, thankfully there wasn't any hug and kiss. The feelings would definitely subside over time. Only one manage to still let me think about that person, Apparently, his attached. Quite great that his attached, Guys get over it faster than girls anyways. Takes me hell ya, dammmmmmmnnnnnn looonnnnng. @.@ Sometimes, I cry in despair, sometime I laugh cause it's good he wasn't with someone like me. I'm such a crazy girl. Lastly, Family. Quarrels seems to be occurring more and more. Which is quite annoying, Having a lot of cold wars with Mum recently. Unless I have cold war with her, She'll never listen and continue to side bro blindly. She never listens, after all the mad things that happened last year.. Bro with all his craps, talk craps daily trying to brainwash her his doing his best for O's when his not. Sympathy gainer is so pathetic. Slam the door on me, You think you always can gain everything without giving some? There's no free lunch in this world dude! You have always been under mummy's motherly care and you just can't get some independence? Get a life. Mummy's always trying to brainwash me too. Stopping me from believing in the things I choose to believe in her problem. It won't stop me. Brother, you better stop being a wastrel and good for nothing. You gain no respect from me with the things you do. Mum too, you threw away the respect I have for you, too bad respect have to be gained. Lost my respect for you, I show non of you respect. Undeserving people are like dogs to me. Get your crap away, you know my temper are much worse then any of you in the whole house. Everyone in the house knows my temper so just deal with it, I won't change, its in my genes, blame yourself for giving such a great gene to me. Been hearing a lot of story from GB side, Its mostly about Andrea. There's this side of the story, Another side of the story. And another. Really lazy to piece it all up and drats... Mum just annoyed me once again. Hearing those two dog's voice really annoy me ear and annoys me. Hope to leave this pathetic place soon... Anyways, after all these drama's I really want to settle down, Really settle down. Maybe tell them wanna learn independence practically and just move out and I'll definitely survive.. But that is still, after I finish my studies. After I finished my studies, I'm sure by then all will be gone, the drama will end and a new drama would begin. I'll have to rewrite another drama then. Dramas, I love Drama cause Life's like one. Monday, August 22, 2011
When the world comes crushing. How do you feel when suddenly, Out of nowhere, You think of someone important, that once made a huge impact of your life but is no longer with you? Having that empty feeling that you even have hallucinations of that person around you. Having to get over bad thoughts running over your mind thinking of that person. Have to be happy and once again, think about that person. Its hard not to think about that person and the thoughts will go recurring over and over again, Its almost akin to you totally have lost it. Next, How do you feel when your own flesh blood mother says you are her dog? Down right expect you to do things she orders about. Yet you can't cry out or she'll definitely take chance to gain your weak point. But really, you are crying deep down inside, Yet you can't say a thing out. Double down, How do you feel when you are always feeling so empty everywhere. Like no one cares, gives a fucking damn about it. Its like, this world is so big, yet all you feel is the big big things are all only around you, not with you. I really wonder sometimes, am I my mum's flesh and blood? Could the doc have made some error and she got the wrong daughter? I'm really really very doubtful. From all of the things she have ever done to me, Its no doubt I felt like that. I never never have felt as if, Yup, I really feel loved all the time. Its really this very lonely feeling, Yet you can't voice out and all you can do is to keep quiet about it. Like someone is hushing you to just SHHHH Hate that feeling, Bad day. Friday, August 19, 2011
Never been more disappointed. Gosh, I've really never have been more disappointed then this, Early morning call us to meet and tell us to go guides meeting just to see their wear their pajamas, So out dated thing still can show off to people. Screw you Power Of Light. You humour me though. Tell us go guides just to tell us to learn how to tie their hair-o-graphy pajamas, screw you twice and double and thrice. Throat has been hurting since like don't know when, After flu recovered I suppose. Laughed so much, over jokers like POL and Hairography with some aunties and female dogs. Is that hell of thing even what we call guides? You can't take us, there is me and eugenia to lead to in guides. Since there's so much that ponten-ed, Why not we bring them to east coast to cycle and cycle away all the unhappiness you have created? Isn't that much better than having everyone being unhappy and pissed on the things you create? Dimel post on Facebook about the next meetings, Is that a crime? Its not even cyber bullying. Now what you are doing are, you are LIMITING what we do online and with our freedom as well. You are a teacher that earns no respect from a student and why are you being so hard on everyone? Hard as in finding trouble with me, jiayu, eugenia, fawn, nerissa and zihua? Just because we me and jiayu talked back a lot on you during the confrontation, why not just aim me and jiayu? Why was I laughing so hard? The fact that eugenia has to be so angered, The fact that Mr Will came in and commented that are they wearing pajamas, The fact that CCA ended at the time other UG started at 3.30 The fact that all these are a joke. The fact that despite my utter disappointed, whether you call me crazy or mad, I have to and I must laugh because all my other guides are pissed, are mad, are tensed, are unhappy. If I don't laugh, how will they take it lightly, If I don't laugh, how will they find out this is a complete joke? If I don't laugh, how will they know its a joke and laugh along and get happy as well. We don't want much, we just want to learn, enjoy and be happy in Guides, thats all, That's fucking what your dear Guides want, nothing else, JUST THAT! Why must you freaking ass drag down the others as well? They are innocent, we all are. We were planning camp to enroll your bitchy sec 1s which is quite a good thing for them, you find trouble with us. We punish them, you find trouble with us. Junie was kind to help enroll them, you complain her and Dimel to HQ. You came up with all sorts of stories and limiting shereen as a guider. You get your NEO over to control us, too bad we are more to running CCA on our own. No matter what you do, trying to drag down the moral of us, Trying to bring trouble to all of us, We are all together as one. One family that won't separated easily. A very strong one that definitely will win over your fucking arse. We bonded this close, we really have to thank your great great kindness and we all can feel your Power Of Light everyday. Please do not make us dislike the day. We don't want any of you "Power" We just want to run a proper Girl Guides in North Vista. If the end comes with the CCA close down, I don't mind cause I don't regret joining it. I have no regrets knowing you either cause you widened my knowledge on life. All the more, I have many more CCAs to choose from and willing to take me in. Well even if I don't archive as much as I did here, at least I have learnt, knew bonded with all my friends in Guides. No regrets. Sunday, August 14, 2011
Yesterday was a havoc, 2 cute cute little boy boy, my cousins came to my house. First thing they did when I came home seeing them, They called me " Jie Jie!" I was like, instantly, all my bad moods were all gone and in a split second, I was already dropping all the things on me and started playing like a small kid with them! Its as though, they are my own kids, though I'm really tired, I don't tell them I'm tired and played with them until I really really can't take it. Gotta give it to the kids for the stamina! Then Jiu Jiu, they all came. They new born baby is rather cute uh, but because of Dao Xun's seclusion from me, I don't feel like playing with that boy. D: Jiu Jiu who come from China is like having a very big communication barrier with me. >.> Not just that, he was like looking down on or parade @#$%@#$% I was like giving the face: "Don't like then go back to your dog country luh dog face." No harm though. :D Family FTW. >.> Need to update upon NDP right? Okay, firstly reported as usual. (Those freaking incense make me sick. Runny nose FOR THE WIN. >.>) PS: Superstition FTW too. Reach F1 pit very very promptly, was early. =.= Lunch was KFC. Dinner was Bento. GOH Commander gave wrong timing in rehearsal. : ....Cepat Jalan.... Lan! Epic fail.. City March was awesome, Literally voice break and lose voice. =.=" In commemoration to BP and Long Leg, Made this song, I got the Baby Pooh Spirit and I got the Long Legs spirit. Fireworks was nice. Long Leg Gawaine shouted epic-ally. Think I kinda hurt W__ __i's feeling. Told him I wrote this blog specially and only for one person and that person is the one whom I always and used to reply to via blogging last year. Sweet memories but all in the past. Apologetic to him... I'm still selfish as usual. Today another group of cousins and relatives came up and really self service. =.= Come my house like paiseh paiseh, I left house for tuition, self service use my comp, log out my fb, used my funshion. Dammit. Should have locked it. That aunt of my skin so thick can tell her in front of me, want use comp a not? -'- Awkward... I really don't want anybody else to see my blog except for those that knows about it. Cause I don't want any body to ever see this except for those that knows of it anymore. What to do? Start a new blog? I'm really lazy to! Fine, I'll be nice real nice, I start another blog that rounds up everything and this blog shall speaks me. SPEAK ME! WELL I'm crazy, so do bear with me for those that knows about this blog. Blog, you've been with me since I don't know how long ago but here is something that I would like to share. Last year when I was with ehem... I kinda started a mini journal at a secret place in my folder which I can't even find it myself! But well, it was filled with childish writings that speaks my feeling because I knew that ehem would always be seeing my blog then I can't express everything in my blog anymore. That was really a good thing as when I found it again this time. I realised many many things that happened last year. This time I really have to wise up, be more mature. Though I'm still quite of me last year, Please bear with me as I want to try and change that bad part of me. It's really hard and the most I can do is to conceal it. But well, concealing is not everything so I really have to come clean with it one day. To W....i, though you can't see this, but here is what I can say to you. Though I would occasionally and usually bring ehem up, you don't know him, but he really made a very big impact to my life. I know it does hurts you. And if one day the whole cat have to be let out of the bag, I would gladly tell you what it is. But it have to come to and at the right time. I don't even know if I can still have feelings for you 4 months later. I really am not sure because I know my interest changes easily, its really really very very hard to really tie me down unless you have a similar goal with me. I can tell you right here my goal is to lead a happy life with me other half or live a fruitful life with no other half at all but lots of children. That's all, that what my goal is. Its not really a very difficult one but well, ambitions are different so you won't really have the real feeling for me. End here then. Friday, August 12, 2011
Here is what I want to say. I just looked through what happened last year and it was like one whole big bomb placed upon me. What I did to Li Xian last year was really very unfair to him. I was really very selfish as I keep telling myself, I don't want to get hurt. I told him, I'll be fine, I got by one and I'll get by another. But was that really the truth? If he really believed what I wrote then, well that is then he don't understand me at all then. But, just a quick review, Thinking back now, he was more of an older brother looking after a younger sister to me then another. Though I was really selfish I got to say, at least to my knowledge his happy now, less emo etc. That is much better as if he is still very unhappy, it would be really really my fault. Last year I was very rush like any other normal teenager, this year, I want to be more composed and plan ahead so I don't lose out anymore. I don't want to be what I was. Though I have to admit, my temper is really bad recently, I can't help it with all the things rounding up around me recently. Many things are happening again and well, all these are all rounding up near NDP again. If I really have fallen for another guy, hopefully, I'll be wiser, stronger, stop being so selfish and be more mature in handling stuffs. If this time, I really handle it badly once more, I really have to tell myself to stop flirting, stop being so flirty. I really have to self control. If all these doesn't work, I'll really have to break away from guys. Or maybe, have fear and anger towards guys to stop being flirty to them. But really, I really have to tell myself to stop being so irritated so easily. Anything and everything can make me loose patience. Well, thats about it. Write up some more next time in updating of what happened in NDP and etc and etc. Saturday, August 6, 2011
NomNomNom I hate my feelings! Today that parade shucks :x Otw there see that Mr ignicious lim. (pedo wannabe attention seeker high fly upon oneself) See him chase bus all I know is delay bus driver. Keep disiao meh~~~~~ Need complain to cactus lim lerh. :D Go there scold the freaking sec 1s, worst then pri school kids sia. One body of a 14 year old mind of a 7. Another body of a 13, mind of a 5. -.- Why I always so kaypo derh~ T.T GG in school anything confirm can't be at ease unless down there see everything flow nice nice even if not doing anything. :x A lot people fall out sia! Mostly those fasting derh. Medic useless derh. I can become medic liao lorh! They squat down I run there. The armpit so nice to disiao sia :D First, step his boots, slap his freaking arse. Heard his got his balls hit 3 times today. LOL Totally lost control and starting bullying him. Until Dimel, Camooh and Baby have to hold me back... Diao sia! Camooh asked, Armpit got chance anot? Act ignorant. Told Armpit what Camooh asked he ask me this. No. 1, You like me a not? No. 2, I got chance a not. I week ago, he told me I kinda like you. I also kinda like him but cannot answer his question. Like it the way it is now uh, don't want go any further... I really need to control my flirty style.. There attract one, there repel one... Like this one second later like another. Tasteless me uh! Tell him I like him, he confirm want that chance derh. Take that chance may not remain as friends forever which is what I don't want... :x Better don't think la! Don't care don't bother everything! ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That parade in SJC cui like shit. Ytd GOH still got people drop rifle. Guides there all wear uniform wrongly, go HQ confirm tio shoot. Our own guides all wear uniform nice nice they wear so ugly. Our guides drills not very good, their drills worst, make our guides not malu. Diao. Some juniors really have no respect for their seniors. My school cui uh! Budget this and that. Student come in never instill right moral to them. Fail CDP, cui uh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Science got 1 over 10 marks (Y) epic sia! Though marks epic, still need study. Right so much also useless, english keep fail compre. Narshita starts to suck the class. Lalitha don't even teach our class still can threaten and demand. Mdm Lim praise me girly, first time sia! Damn freaking happy. (Y) Sua end here. Wednesday, August 3, 2011
You are who you are and just be yourself. Thinking back, Here are what most people are in the world. The make up a lot of masks just to fit in. Fitting in doesn't mean everything. I once wanted to fit in badly but realised that trying so hard to be someone you are not is not worth anything at all and not you. You are who you are and you got to be proud of it. Everyone is special in their own way, be it studies, singing, sports, games.. whatever! There is definitely something you are good at. You stand out in yourself and should shine in your own light and not get the light from others. Attention fame and popularity is not very important as all these are worthless to tell the truth. If you have friends and make friends through all these masks, they will never know what you like, who you are and what is your favourite this and that. Just because of fitting in, you don't have to do the same thing as the other, force yourself to like thing that you don't. It sucks, I know that feeling cause I was once like that too. But I snapped out of it knowing that I'm a fool if I continue doing that. Be wise, whether you are full of brains or you are just plain dumb. Even dumb people be themselves and not be someone they aren't. No one can force you to like something else, its all depending on yourselves. Don't mind so much of what other people think of you. Do what you like, like what you favour and don't let other people lead you blindly. NDP preview came and past, city march was epic. Marshall shouted, was appalled! Quite saddening, preview marks the nearing end of NDP... Finally, we are all so nicely bonded, yet we are all going to be separated... School NDP sucks, worst and worst then NDP. No preplanning, No spare plans for any situation. Many waiting time and never spared a thought for any of us. Well, too bad cause its not as big scale as the actual parade. Well, I'll just have to put up with it. Looking forward, tests are so failing its. Pull down all CA marks for all I care then! Starting to study, forming study groups with some classmates... Hopefully, we can help each other improve our grades. Try to pay more attention and revise some more... Good luck for SA2, better buck up.. Too bad my studies sucks. :/ |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |
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