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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Symone, 030793Cheryl's blog here. Kind off talky with loads of words. Some make sense some don't. Like this blog, come back and read more, don't like, please don't spam my tag board. Just a school girl going through her school life. Nothing much nothing less. Likes to eat but kind of aware not to eat too much. Thats about it. I felt that night, on the stage, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time in my life, if life was worth all the work it took to live. What exactly made it worth it? What’s so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming? What’s so great about feeling and dreaming? (By the person who did this skin) — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Taggings
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Saturday, January 28, 2012
Worried... Getting more and more worried about babe, if I couldn't handle it, can she? I hope so, because at least she can get mentally prepared for it... I'll be there for her no matter what! Though I kind of make her caught in the middle again. 2 of her good friends against one of her girl friends. My fault for breaking it out to her, I was emotionally unstable and prepared to get real extreme then.. Sorry... I broke the news to her so suddenly... At least I didn't say anything about them disgusting me right? Okay, that's really quite overboard but too bad for them, they disgust, irritate and degrades me. Sunday, January 15, 2012
Anyways, The moving idea was also all thanks to aunt and uncle and naipo that cause so much misery for me last night. Because daddy pops wanted to do that specially to make them mad as they moved close in area because they wanted all to be together. According to mummy, she can't maintain a good relation with them if they were to live close together. So I shall deem that as daddy is sweet in his own way, he even worked out every plan of that. Daddy is planning to move to toa payoh then I suggested might as well move to jurong or clementi, the west side. Or east also not bad. Saturday, January 14, 2012
Who's still stuck with me? Who's still reading this blog? Except yuxuan. I'll stay in this URL for another month and I shall change the URL soon. So if you are still reading this, either drop a note at tag box, drop me a message by SMS if you know me, or by twitter if you do follow me or Facebook. Friday, January 13, 2012
Omfg I really can't control! For example, I get pissed all the time when daddy wants to use my phone to play that fucking retarded and annoying game. And he'll purposely disturb me and get me 10 times more pissed. And I have no idea how to express it out! I can't possibly shout it out right? I usually suppress all these feelings in me but recently, it keeps trying to escape. I can't even find anywhere to vent t all out. Please like seriously, don't piss me any further. I think I'll just cry it out this time and pour it all out. I really can't handle suppressing a whole chunk of anger in me. I blame it all on the stupid genes I get. Why did they gave birth to me this way? I hate it. I hate the way I am. I hate the fact that I am this way. I don't want to continue on like this. I want to be someone who can express them self without minding others. I want to stop sparing a thought for people around me and just be me. I'm happy, then so be it. I'm sad, just show it all out. I'm mad, just let me blast out everything and I'll be fine. But nothing I can do about that. I'm really edgy. So please I beg everyone, don't piss me off. It's not only difficult for me to express myself but also bad for health to be suppressing so much negative feelings in a person. Zhen say I have split personality, maybe that is the case but it's all because of what? All because of everyone around me and bring upon a me that fits to them. I don't know which one is the real me anymore. I just want to be me and yet I don't know who is it. I've lost alright, I've lost sight. And now, I want to fucking cry out and I still can't pour it all out. What else? Gk silt my wrist? I ain't that kind of person. I can't even cry properly right now. God please tell me exactly what to do? I'm lost and confused. And I'm mad. Very mad. And anger can lead to sin. And what can I do about it if I can't vent it out properly. Why can't people around me be nicer. I act like I'm tolerant for this and that but actually, I'm intolerant to many things. I can't tolerate many things, people. Even mundane objects. So please be a little more considerate to me since I'm trying my best to accommodate almost everyone. Love me or hate me, whatever. I just don't want to lose anyone I care about. That's why I try my best to accommodate. You guys never lost anyone you care about dearly, you'll never understand how I feel. Everyone around me are more precious than this stupid phone. Than myself. Get of? Sunday, January 1, 2012
So they say, They say that my mentor is warded and he tweeted that too, but I don't know what to say. I really really don't know what to say. I think I'm histories worst intern ever to not do anything and also don't know what to say to her own mentor. Need ask Zhen.... Why give a fuck? Your son is useless also my fault luh? Need serve him like I'm his fucking servant also my duty luh? Rant at me over a fucking oat. If he want, he'll definitely cook himself one right? And just so nice your dear son hate oat, can? And I really don't know about the fucking portion I need to cook the fucking oat so you are blaming me for cooking not enough? I've even got proof I don't fucking know how to cook that fucking oat with the quality that came out. And you even can criticize me about that fucking oat. Kay I'm finding it really fucking funny right now that all of this started with the fucking oat. You really miss quarreling with me so much that you need me to at least quarrel with you once a day? Sorry I'm really sick and tired of all these rows with you since last year. After that big one, I never ever wanted to quarrel with you again finding out what kind of person you are to twist the false into truth and even went to threaten people. You keep telling me how good you are, seeing that ugly part of you shows me how fake you are. Dear mummy, if you are to do anymore bad things behind my back again and still act as of nothing happened, I swear I'll really leave this house. No matter how much you say how good you are because after knowing that ugly truth, of bending lies to truth, that is not a white lie at all to me but a lie to cover up your sins. Sometimes, I really wonder if you are ever guilty of what you have said. Yes I'm short and hot tempered but if you really care of me as my mum, I suggest you to change to way you bring me up first by stop trying to make us think otherwise by trying to brainwash us everyday about how good you are. Judging every single friend I make. Talking bad about every single person around you. You aren't God, neither are you a saint. You have no rights at all to judge any of them and trying to make yourself as clean as possible because in my eyes, you are as tainted as the River Styx. |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |
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